I have grown up in Catholic classrooms, not through the Word of God, but by puberty and life lessons. I have come to an understanding that everyone should always be treated fairly and respectfully, regardless of race or religion, - my schools have liked to add that 'we are all children of God' as another reason too.
Now I do not identify as an extremely religious person, I do not believe that one religion is better than the other, and I never intended to make this blog about Catholicism, but sometimes you have to look at things from a different angle to see the whole picture. So, here we are.
I like to think that all of us have a little bit of hope in ourselves and of course, a lot of dignity; so why do we not treat each other as people when we give criticism and receive it? Let's get real here, "Constructive criticism" is just code for "I am possibly trying to make you cry before going to bed tonight." To me, the term just sounds like what you say after you completely annihilated someone (or their work), to make yourself sound like you're being helpful rather than a monster, "I was just giving her constructive criticism! I don't hate her, I just hate that shirt." but before we awaken someone's inner demons, let's talk about how to give out criticism, while remembering the dignity of a human person...
See! Even the number one search engine of the internet has an automatic negative perspective of the word "criticism"
When You're The Critic:
Please remember that you are not a god of art, writing, or anything regardless of how talented you think you are or how much experience you have. You are still a person, you still make mistakes, and the person that you are critiquing is still learning. Human nature is based upon error and imperfection. Also, there is NEVER ever a need to speak rudely or disrespectfully towards someone and their work - even if you hate it.
If you are editing a paper then please proceed to check grammar, punctuation, format, syntax, but only add personal opinion when it is asked for. If you are asked to give your opinion and it is not a positive one, try starting off your sentence with "I feel like" or "I think that", not "This is _____." The change of words here makes a difference because, when you say that you think/feel that something can be improved, you're not making a forceful suggestion or statement. When you start by saying something like "This is... " you make what you are saying sound like a fact. If you did not love one point in the work, then that might just be you and not everyone else, so by making your opinion sound like a fact rather than a personal statement, you can discourage the writer.
The most important thing that anyone should remember (not only) when reviewing someone else's work, is that you actually should listen to the creator's thoughts and process. Take a tattoo for an example, you might think that someone getting a big flower on their calf is a terrible choice, but that flower could have been their mother's favourite and they lost their mother when they were young. Oh my gosh, now you have offended someone and their dead mother. Wow. You could of avoided this awkward and tense situation, if you had just listened to them before you opened your mouth, but oh well go get new friends. Jerk.
So there you have it, be humble, be mindful of your words, and be a good listener when you're giving advice. Otherwise, you're going to end up with a sad writer and no friends.
When You've Asked for Criticism:
When you've asked for criticism, you have voluntarily put yourself under a microscope. Remember that. If you cannot handle negative feedback on your work then you are being too stubborn and not seeing your piece as a whole. You're basically being a soccer mom of a four year old - you think your child is going to go far, so you forget the fact that he hasn't scored a goal and fell at least twice on the field. He's just not the greatest, Karen. Get over it.
You need to have tough skin and an open mind. Whatever people say cannot get to you, but you have to try and remember to see it from the critic's unbiased perspective. Always try to get at least two people to read over your work. Whether they are checking for grammar and punctuation, or the actual content, fluidity and structure, having more than just one opinion would give you better feedback then just trusting one person's perspective.
In art, writing and life, it is always important to believe in yourself. If you know that having that almost deadly slow moment is crucial to what comes next, then forget what someone else might say about it, trust your gut. This does not mean you can scream something like "GO TO HELL" at their opinion, but just thank them for their time and maybe tell them your thoughts - who knows, maybe they will enjoy the faith you have in yourself and bounce ideas around with you for what could come next? Even sharks need friends too.
At the end of the day, be proud of what you create, and be honest with it. Don't sell yourself short, and don't look for only positive feedback - you're just going to become overconfident and cause a plateau in your writing. You want to be the best writer you can possibly be. So, accept your errors and accept the help from others because, people who cannot handle anything other than positive critiques and feedback, end up the same way bad critics do - without friends.
And there she goes, the best way to give criticism and handle so that you won't lose your friends, is to remember that we are all just people and should be treated as such.